i'm amazed at how fast i've slid back into the singapore rhythm. familiarity hit me full-on the minute i touched down. which was like 8 hours ago. now i'm in my room, with darius next to me doing his work, and the normalcy of it makes me wonder if i'd even been gone for 9 months.

caught my last sunset in toronto at the harbourfront. or rather, the moon's reflection of the sunset. i was totally facing the wrong direction lah. harbourfront faces south. the sunset was taking place in the north-east. hell what does it matter. i love the pulse of the water. fluid, yet heavy. reflected what i was feeling. it was cathartic.

after saying goodbye, the train ride to the suburbs (was staying at my aunt's house) from downtown was probably one of the most wretched experiences of my life. it made me wonder about the origin of heartache. where the hell do those feelings come from. so uncontrollable. all i could do was not cave in.

:::

i almost couldn't shut my suitcase, just ten minutes before the cab was due to arrive. haha it's a miracle my suitcases could contain all my stuff. went a bit berserk with the shopping la.

the cab driver was a solemnly chatty pakistani. he was very conscientious, asking me probing questions with all the dutifulness of an insurance agent doing a risk assessment. by the end of the ride he probably had enough information about me to fill in a personal history sheet. but i acquiesced because he clearly thought it was what good cabbies do. you know, build a good rapport with the customer.

and with the same grim, straight-facedness, he'd throw out the most hilarious comments:
"... so those chinese boys (he had asked if i'd made any canadian friends here and i said yeah they were mostly chinese)... did you like any of them?"
"oh it's not like that! i made both guy and girl friends. just friends."
"ahhh so you weren't serious about them."

and as he bade me goodbye, he clasped my hand in both of his and with enough gravity to make any pallbearer proud, said:
"you are a cute girl. i wish you much happiness and all the best in everything you do. i will pray for you to have a safe flight."

hell yeah i gave him a big tip after that.

:::

it was a great day to leave toronto. everyone seemed to have woken up on the right side of the bed.

the ticketing agent at the check-in counter was a sweet girl who was very earnest in trying to help. one of my suitcases was overweight (what a surprise) and she was going all out to comfort me.
"oh i know what it's like, i just have to bring EVERYTHING with me wherever i go too. hey (to a colleague) do i need to charge her tax? don't know? well i'm certainly not going to charge her tax. oh i know it's hard to travel alone with all that luggage, i've gone through it too" she was such a dear!

but it wasn't really that hard cos i had plenty of help along the way. i just had to bend down to try to pick up a suitcase and someone would appear asking if i needed help. days like that inspire hope for humankind. haha.

from toronto to LA i was seated next to a couple on their way to vegas to get married. it was like being near sugar on two pairs of legs, all dreamy and smoochy but thankfully not nauseating. the rest of the plane got wind of the upcoming wedding and there was a buoyant congratulatory mood all around. and cos of that, i really couldn't be bothered to work myself into an angsty teary state over leaving.

it seemed like the angst had been channelled into the weather in toronto. the sky cried torrents and the flight was delayed till the storm passed.
apparently, the sadness of separation is mutual.

:::

the 6 hour transit in LA was supposed to be spent reflecting and getting my bearings - my parents think of the journey as a return. but to me, it was all about leaving.

it was too much to handle on 4 hours of sleep. (the last night, i'd stayed up for some good ol girl talk with my cousin bernice (: ). instead, i gorged on episode after episode of "so you think you can dance" to quell the quiet hysteria that was building up inside.

i am lost. please, show me the way home.

:::

after travelling on american budget airlines for most of may, stepping onto the singapore airlines airbus was like being transformed from pauper to princess. after all those cramped domestic flights, the sight of the roomy cabin was enough to make me weep tears of joy. haha seriously! and when an SQ stewardess voluntarily stepped forward to help with my carry-on, i felt like giving her a hug.

one of the most peeving things about the US flights i've been on is the service. okay so i booked the cheapest flight i could find on travelocity, and shouldn't expect to be waited on hand and foot. but it's not that. my peeve is that american stewardesses are so bloody noisy. it's like they've all studied the same "how to be the most annoying stewardess" manual, which probably contains tips like:

1. make unnecessary comments at every opportunity even if they embarrass a passenger (to a woman who had asked for a third round of alcohol: "my, i didn't know you were the sort")
2. don't just ask if the passengers want coffee or tea, whine and drawl out the question in the most high-pitched nasal tone you can muster, and do this repeatedly as you go down the aisle.
3. talk loudly to no one in particular while handing out the food trays, as if the entire cabin is interested in what you're thinking.
4. speak condescendingly to passengers, as if they are idiots who don't know what's best for them ("you forgot to close the toilet door behind you! we have to do this you know, or the whole cabin will stink of the toilet... -hyena laugh-")

and so the 16 hour flight from LA to singapore was utter bliss. i plonked down on my roomy seat (it was only economy, but i could so feel the difference), curled up with my pillow and blanket, beamed adoringly at all the beautiful, courteous stewardesses, and sank into a state of pure contentment.

but the singaporean passenger behind me clearly wasn't satisfied.

"wah, so cramped ah. i hardly got any space. should have flown business class leh."

welcome to singapore.
1:24 PM
4 comments

Monday, May 14, 2007

an unfamiliar face. but his eyes, she knew. they reached out to her across space. as if space were superfluous.

i have a story to tell.

what followed was an inexplicable exchange of emotion. slate gray regret. sparkling white truth. crimson heartbreak. deep blue dignity. vermillion shame.

she gazed steadily at him. wordlessly.

yes. i know.

:::

wretched distraction. i must be alone.

2:47 PM
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Saturday, May 05, 2007

one good thing about endings is that they make you stop thinking about tomorrow.

it's all about the right here and now.

1:03 PM
1 comments

Saturday, April 28, 2007

it is so ironic that with the exams over, i'm too tired to savour the end of staring at the computer screen for hours on end churning out paragraph after paragraph of cliched unoriginal babble. it doesn't help that i've replaced that with more hours of staring at the screen, trying to book flights and hostels, research travel itineraries and deal with irritating craigslist buyers. (darn those bored housewives sitting in front of their computer thumbs all a-twiddle at the joys of "window shopping" on craigslist! ugh)

but we've done some pretty lovely stuff since the end of the exams. first stop was rol san for some super dimsum. then shopping at yorkdale - aritzia, h&m... bring em on! - and our (or rather jordan's) helluva successful chicken rice dinner! i never knew garlic and ginger, in the right proportions, could produce such heavenly taste.

and yesterday was really something. first was dinner at quotes bar and grill, the 5 of us and kenneth (my cousin), with superb live jazz (more spyro gyra than diana krall, which was fantastic to experience live), not too bad food and heart-warming personalized service.

then was an adventure down king st, breezing through the financial district with the wind just nice and the sky a luminous blue, gleaming towers of glass on either side, which seemed to glitter even more fiercely in acknowledgement of our passing through.

we walked on down front st, in search of the famous distillery district that promised to satisfy our craving for some good alcohol and dessert, stopping to buy chocolates from kids raising funds for charity, and making detours into an opulent hotel and a striking black and red korean restaurant out of curiosity.

four blocks east and two blocks south, however, we found ourselves staring at an unfinished condominium block, a desolate road and a gloomy construction site. talk about complete flabbergastation! almost wanted to turn round and head back to familiar territory, but jordan urged us on, and after walking past a sedentary, bland residential area, we emerged to find a wonderland of cobblestone streets, art galleries, pub entrances lit with blazing fires and a huge gust of charming quaintness! truly magical.

the pity was that most of the galleries and cafes were closed, but we found ourselves an elegant two-storeyed high-ceilinged restaurant called the boiler room. more live music, a rasberry margarita (on the house!) and one creme brulee (and rather agitated conversation about pupillage and law firms) brought much blissed out contentment.

11:54 PM
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Thursday, April 19, 2007

tartu = The Asinine Repugnant Tyrannical Urine-hole

or Take A Rat home Today - Unlimited offer.

or This Apartment-block Really makes me wanna Throw Up.

on top of the already long list of misdemeanours which include:
1. bedbugs (i spent a whole day Raid-ing my room)
2. mice one of which wanted to use our printer
3. rude receptionist
4. taking the whole weekend just to switch back a circuit-breaker...

...they disconnected me from my internet. for a whole. week.

and shengjie and jordan too but jordan has a suitemate with a wireless router. suckaammmamma!

if it were a legitimate disconnection and i really used up 8 gig last week, fine.

but the evidence demands a contrary verdict! their internet-usage counter is completely off its rocker and should be strait-jacketed immediately.

last week i used only 1gig, according to their records. since my internet usage was similar this week, it shouldn't be so different.

plus they disconnected zeming's suitemate when her suitemate doesn't even have a computer in her room. no laptop = no internet usage = no disconnection right?they only found out cos the nice tartu do-it-all receptionist/repairman told them.

kannasai. i'm so pissed off.

and the tartu office refuses to admit the counter sucks. petitions don't work.

we should sue them! i bet there's some implied term in the contract that says our internet cannot be arbitrarily disconnected. somewhere.

-runs off to plot-

12:47 PM
11 comments

Saturday, April 14, 2007

among the 7 of us torontonians exists an exclusive, elite club:

the macgeeks.

right now this club has a grand total of 2 peopls - shengjie and i. but i'm confident more will join our ranks soon! zhu, for instance, has expressed a desire to get a mac after her present lappie dies (since that's the case, really zhu you should just drown it already).

i admit that mac msn sucks. and it is a pain that skype for mac has no free VOIP stunt. and it was troublesome to reformat my portable hard drive (which is actually my old fujitsu's hard drive in a new case) before it could work on my mac.

but oh that gleaming white apple icon just more than makes up for it!

there's a girl in our international comm arb class who stuck a white apple sticker on the front of her dell laptop. you know how they say that imitation is the highest form of flattery? hell, yeah.

and don't even talk about those windows PC users who download that dingy little ripoff programme that adds an imitation dock to the windows desktop. the dock-that-tries-too-hard is still very ugly. i know cos i did that for my fujitsu too haha.

and of course there are the widgets! i love the pretty white lava lamp that sits under the widget that lets me download album art at the click of a button that floats next to the weather network widget that lets me check the weather status (very important in canada!) in less than 3 seconds.

and ever since shengjie got his mac, we've been infuriating the rest with our macgeek-speak:

sj: hey you know there's this programme ONLY for macs that lets you catalogue all the books you own, rate them and record who you've lent what to, and helps you download the book's cover art as well?
me: wah that's awesome! that's JUST what i need! you must tell me where to download!
jordan: ..... @W#^&&^*&*^#$

and you have no idea the kick sj gets out of using his cute little mac remote control to play, pause and increase the volume of his macbook when we're in his room for prison break. it doesn't matter that he's sitting right next to the mac.
me: like how cool is that? macs rock!
xy, zm and jordan: wahh ENOUGH LAH!

there's just something immensely gratifying about being part of a popular yet not-the-norm (yet) group. we're part of a raging trend, yet we pride ourselves on being outside the mainstream. if that was apple's marketing ploy, they are darn good.

anyway, in our human rights class, i used to be the only mac user. then came shengjie. then abby and regi waltzed in one after the other with their gleaming white macs too!

the poor girl in green half-hidden behind abby (red bandana) had a HP that looked so forlorn in the midst of the surrounding gleaming macs. hahaha.

talking about human rights...

our human rights class! prof bhuta (sharp, brilliant, always dapper and spiffy!) treated us to beers at the bedford academy, the quaint little pub on which the law fac descends every week for pub nite. he's at the back, third from right.


talking about beers...

knocking back a few at charming bar mercurio, with sj's friend!

9:02 AM
6 comments

Thursday, April 12, 2007

7 more weeks till i leave toronto.

my heart is breaking.

some things i love:

soft glistening snow. evergreens draped in white.



the gaggle of elementary school kids who traipse past tartu at 3pm every day. their squeals and chattering usually wake me up if i'm napping. but i don't mind (:


the unfortunately inevitable fire engine outside tartu. it was so funny how one time, we were sneaking to zeming's room while everyone else was downstairs in the lobby waitng for the firemen to give the all-clear, when we bumped into this fireman who instead of demanding we retreat downstairs again in accordance with fire regulations, asked us "do you know where the smoke's coming from?" ahahaha.


the unflappable anna! and oil-soaked roast duck in chinatown.


our fave hangout - future's. perenially full to the gills. can't anyone get their hands on some fantastic all-day breakfasts without waiting ages for a seat?


bonding with sisters in Christ over cake and omelettes at future's (:

4:03 PM
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